Alone above the raging sea.
As the drums would kick in, something inside me would come alive. As each instrument added to the beat of the song, the adrenaline rush would rise. Each second got better up until the last. The song was clearly about love and having someone to escape with.
I was 14 years old when I first heard that song. A classmate had given me many of their albums and I fell in love with them. But this song was one of the few that always stood out to me. I longed for companionship and intimacy, especially after just having ended a relationship. I wasn’t being stubborn and refusing to let him go. It was just genuinely difficult for my heart to. I knew I loved someone with a great heart and, despite all that had happened that summer, it would never change. After a two year gap of rebuilding strength within myself, we were together again. This decision was based on promises and commitments that would eventually be broken not too far down the road.
The song remained to be strong and quite emotional to me. I was in high school and depressed all the time, seeking escape every day. It was mainly through music and this particular song would do the trick. But I always experienced the music alone and wished to share it with him. Coincidentally, just before I had the chance, he shared it with someone else and I felt abandoned. The shield that this song helped sooth my heart was pierced and all was damaged.
Even if that was years ago, I still can’t listen to that song without feeling any sense of pain. The pain stems from the fear of my reality being an illusion and shock at one’s audacity to disregard me. Again. It seems impossible to gather the strength for recreating my original association. I’m not ready to share this song since now all it means to me is loneliness. How does one share loneliness?
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